Belly Laughs

"We love to laugh [hahahaha],

Loud and long and clear.

We love to laugh [hahahaha],

So everybody can hear.

And the more we laugh [heeheeheehee]

The more we fill with glee

And the more the glee [heeheeheehee],

The more we're a merrier 'we!'"

-Bert and Uncle Albert of Mary Poppins

Man, I love these kids...

Testimony of Motherhood

Warning: This post could be long...

The picture above shows the two people with whom I share pretty much every minute of every day. They've stirred up a wide range of feelings in me over the past three-and-a-half years. They can drive me crazy at times, but they always--always--keep me sane in the end. They are a big part of what makes me absolutely exhausted by 7:00 in the evening, yet they're also the main reason I get up in the morning. No matter how bad or embarrassing a tantrum has been, nothing soothes my frazzled nerves or calms my anger like a pair of little arms wrapped around my neck in a gentle hug. I love these little punks--and I love being loved by them.

The past few months have been extremely challenging for me. I don't know if it was postpartum depression or loneliness from Tommy being gone so much or just a trial by fire, but I've really had a hard time. I've felt very inadequate as a wife and mother, and I got in the destructive habit of comparing myself to other women and moms around me. Why couldn't I figure out how to manage my time as well as others? Why wasn't I a better cook or a better crafter or a better housekeeper? Why couldn't I be as attractive as so-and-so or wear cute outfits that didn't have spit-up stains? Very, very destructive thoughts. I began looking back at my college years, when I'd had so much time to do what I wanted and spend more time on myself. I wondered what happened to that girl who had so many dreams, that girl who Tommy fell in love with. I thought of all the places I'd wanted to visit and the amazing things I wanted to do but never did because I got married and started a family.

Then a few weeks ago I came across an article online that was like a sharp slap in the face--a huge wake-up call. The article was about two women--mothers--who had decided they didn't want to be mothers anymore. One left a 20-year marriage and two children (ages 8 and 5) so that she could move halfway across the world and be a journalist. She had convinced herself that she could be a much better mother if she didn't have to worry about the everyday things that mothers can "lose themselves" in. She would be better able to help her children, celebrate their accomplishments, and offer great advice if she were at a distance, removed from all that "chaos." The other mother left a marriage of over 10 years and three children because she wanted to "make a difference in the world." Both felt that they had become better mothers for having left their children, for putting themselves first and doing what they wanted to do.

I felt an explosion of emotions as I read that article. I was angry that these women didn't think that mothers make a difference, that the work I do 24/7 doesn't account for much. I was disgusted that they had brought children into the world whom they weren't going to care for. I was ashamed that I myself had felt that I'd given up many wonderful opportunities in life when I became a mother. But I also became keenly aware of how very cunning the devil is. He's working hard to destroy families, and he has a sure way of destroying them if he can bring down the mothers. These women appealed to the feelings that I'm sure all mothers feel at some point: we deserve to be able to do what we want and be what we want, and we shouldn't let anyone stop us. It's natural to feel that way, especially after a long, hard, thankless day of taking care of kids who really don't seem to care how much effort you're putting in on their behalf. The natural man is powerful...and destructive. Satan doesn't have much power over us physically since he doesn't have a body, but he has incredible power over our thoughts. That has proven to be my weakest point, and I've struggled with it all my life. I've never been tempted to drink, smoke, do drugs, break the Law of Chastity, etc., but I struggle with destructive thoughts, especially when it comes to how I feel about myself.

I thought about that article for a couple of days, and then I read another article. In last month's Ensign, Sister Beck wrote an article on the doctrine of the family and how important it is for us to teach it to our children. I found so much comfort and peace, and I came to realize that I had indeed accomplished my two main goals in life: marry a worthy priesthood holder in the temple and become a mother in Zion. What better thing could I be doing with my time than raising these precious children and being "an help-meet" to my husband? No one can do that better than I, no matter how unfashionable my clothes are or how few exotic places I've visited. These thoughts carried me through several more days. Then one night I was standing at the kitchen sink, loading the dishwasher, when a scripture popped into my head. Matthew 10:39 suddenly had a whole new meaning to me:

He who seeketh to save his life shall ^blose it: and he that ^closeth his ^dlife for my sake shall find it. (JST)

I realized that that was what I needed to do in order to "find myself", the girl I've always wanted to be. My calling is Mother, it's what the Lord wants me to be. I need to lose myself in motherhood, in rearing and nurturing these children that Heavenly Father has trusted me with. How great the wisdom and the love of our Father in Heaven! He gave us families so that through service, sacrifice, and love we can come to see and love not only others, but also ourselves as He does. I know that there is no higher calling than Motherhood, and I'm so grateful that I've been blessed and trusted with such a sacred and rewarding role.

Small Talk

Before I begin this hilarious story, I need to mention an amusing habit that Adam has developed. He's very much like me and Tommy in that he's not a great conversationalist--he's a bit shy. But he tries. He makes a very valiant effort whenever anyone talks to him, and he clings to an ice-breaking tactic that makes me and Tommy have a hard time keeping straight faces. No matter what a person says to him to get him to talk, Adam always sticks his foot out and says, "See? I have shoes." I guess he figures that's something the two of them have in common, and thus far they're on equal ground. It always brings a smile to the other person's face :).

So this morning, I needed to run a couple of errands. We got a late start since Hannah has been sick and was taking an unusually long nap. We pulled out of the garage to find that it was raining a lot harder than I thought. I decided to just do one errand so I wouldn't have to take the kids in and out of the car too much. By the time we left the store, it was lunch time so I decided to stop by Wendy's on the way home. I don't know their menu very well (we go to Chick-Fil-A when we get fast food), so I tried to pull up to the speaker thing just to the point where I could see the menu but not cross over the buzzer that lets them know someone's there. Well, I pulled a little too far up and got an earful of, "Hi, may I take your order?" I told the guy I needed just a second, but then Adam piped up. "Uh, yeah, uh, hi," Adam started yelling from the back seat. "Uh, I have shoes!" I tried to shush him while I searched everywhere for the kids menu, but he just plowed on. "Uh, I like some apples and fries and juice and--" but I interrupted him to quickly make our order. It was hard to talk over him, concentrate on what I was saying, and keep from laughing all at the same time. I pulled away from the speaker and up to the first window to pay. "That'll be--" the guy started to say, but Adam interjected with, "Hi, Mr. Guy, this is Hannah." We got to the second window, and while they were handing me our food, Adam called out, "Mr. Guy, I have this booger here--" at which point I practically peeled out of the drive-thru lane, barely grabbing his kids' meal and almost exploding with suppressed laughter. I laughed all the way home, so he definitely didn't get a lecture on proper conversation etiquette. Perhaps I'm a bad mother and teacher for that--but at least he keeps things interesting :)...

Hannah's 'Razy Hair

I've never seen a kid with hair like Hannah's. It's very fine, like mine, so it's hard to do things with it; but there's also a lot of it, so I kind of have to do something with it. The difficult thing, though, is that it has a mind of its own. I've tried different styles. It's long enough now to where it can be put into pigtails, but only the hair on top and on the sides can make it--the hair in the back is as short as it was when she was born. Oh, well. She still manages to look cute.

According to Adam

Our computer is fixed! I can't even begin to express my happiness :). So many things have happened around here since...August. Wow, I can't believe it's been that long since my last post.

Adam is three now, and he has developed quite an imagination. He's absolutely hilarious, too. Since he's talking in complete sentences now (and much more clearly), we've been amazed at some of the things that go through his head :). Here are some of his latest ponderings:

On seeing my bare mattress (while the sheets were being washed): "Whoa! Where'd that come from?"

On talking to Tommy on our home phone instead of on my cell phone: "Daddy, what are you doing in there?"

On seeing Hannah start sucking on the side of her bathtub during her bath: "Oh, Hannah! Don't eat your tubby!"

On having the sun shining in his eyes while riding in the car: "No, sun! You go away! You go home teaching!"

On being asked if he was stinky: "Mommy, you go upstairs."

On having one his toys constantly fall off his toy truck: "Woody, you stay! You stay in your seat!"

On recovering the above toy from under my rear end while I was nursing (I didn't realize I was sitting on it): "Oh, Woody! You okay? Did Mommy hurt you?"

On getting tired of hearing me singing "Once Upon a Dream" to Hannah: "Mommy, you stop that. You sing 'Popcorn Popping.'"

On seeing Tommy's brother John (who has a twin named Shawn): "Where's the other Shawn?"

And a recent conversation we had while running errands:

Adam: Mommy, let's go home!

Me: Not quite yet. How about we go to Target, and then the craft store, and then the tool store [Lowe's]? What d'ya say?

Adam: Please.

He's also started saying prayers all by himself. He almost always says he's thankful that he went to sacrament meeting and Grandma's house, whether he went there that day or not. He loves to help out with Hannah, and is really good at wiping her nose (i.e. smearing the snot all over her face). What a kid.

I just love these little punks :)...

Mom's Morning Out

I went shopping this morning. I bought three new outfits, two pairs of sunglasses, some arts and crafts supplies, and some comfy new socks. Ahh, isn't that the life?

Yep, that's my life, and I do it all with two little kids in tow. Let me go into a bit more detail about my morning out :). The outfits (actually pajamas) and socks were for Hannah, who has completely grown out of everything smaller than 3-6 months (and that size won't last much longer, either!). The sunglasses were for Tommy because a certain little guy we all know and love popped one of the lenses out of his daddy's shades on one occasion (we put it back in, so for a while Tommy went around looking a little ghetto :)...), and on another occasion this same little dude popped out the other lens and lost it altogether. The arts and crafts supplies were a coloring book and a pack of "biiiiiiig 'rayons" (big/fat crayons) for Adam. The crayons were these really cool double-ended ones, with one color at one end and another color at the other end. They seemed like they'd be pretty sturdy, too, since they were so thick. We got everything but Hannah's stuff at Target, and as were leaving the store Hannah started crying. So I packed us all up and drove to the back of the parking lot and parked under a tree for some shade. I gave Adam his new coloring book and brought Hannah up front with me to nurse her. After a few minutes Adam said, "Mommy, fix it?" He held out one of those "sturdy" crayons, which he had snapped cleanly in half. Luckily the paper around it wasn't ripped. I stuck the broken half back in the paper wrapper and gave it back to him. Almost immediately he said again, "Mommy, fix it?" He held out the same crayon, only this time the paper had slid down when he started coloring and was covering the tip. "Just use another color, bud," I told him. Stupid idea. He broke the next crayon, too, and the next. It's a good thing that pack was only a buck.

After I finished nursing Hannah, we drove up the road to return some clothes to Osh Kosh and Carter's. As I stood at the counter chatting with the Osh Kosh associate, Hannah very audibly filled her pants (she was in the Baby Bjorn). Adam promptly informed me, "Mommy, beebee Hannah is stinky." What would I do without that kid? The associate told me there was a changing table in the bathroom, so we trooped to the back of the store and into the small restroom. Of course, my changing pad had been taken out of the diaper bag and not put back in, so I spread paper towels all over the changing table and laid Hannah on it. While I was doing this, I explained to Adam that he shouldn't touch anything in the bathroom. "Yeah," he said vaguely. I changed Hannah as fast as I could, but it wasn't fast enough. Adam got down to business right away. First, he threw his hat into a corner and sat down on the floor. I told him not to sit on the dirty floor and to pick up his hat. He crawled over to where his hat was, put it on, and sat down again. I told him again not to sit on the floor, so he got up and came over to Hannah. Before I could stop him, he reached up and started patting her cheeks. I told him he could only touch Hannah after he washed his hands, so I finished with Hannah and helped him wash his hands. I turned back to Hannah and started putting her back in the carrier, but when I turned around again I found Adam lifting the toilet seat with both hands. That ticked me off a bit. I washed his hands again (with Hannah hanging in front of me) and reminded him again not to touch anything. I straightened back up and felt something warm oozing down between my toes (I had flip flops on). I looked down and saw that Hannah had spit up all down my left side and all over herself. Adam looked up at me and said, "Hannah spit up, Mommy." I started cleaning this new mess up and glanced up to find my sweet little dude rummaging through the garbage can. I washed his hands yet again and declared that we were leaving. Now. I didn't even finish cleaning the spit up between my toes. As I squelched past the associate she called cheerfully, "Have a wonderful day!" I wondered if that would happen. We went next door to Carter's to return some other things, and I got Hannah some jammies. I spent more than I intended because I just grabbed some things and left without taking time to choose between them. I just wanted to get home.

All the way home Adam asked me to either fix his crayons or give him some Goldfish crackers. It's a good thing he says "please" now, or I would've gone nuts. When we got home, I made him some lunch and sat down to nurse Hannah again. They finished eating about the same time, so I changed both their diapers, put Adam down for his nap, and laid down with Hannah for a minute. I hadn't realized how tired I was until that point. I dozed off for a few minutes but awoke suddenly to a very strange sensation: Hannah was trying to suck on the tip of my nose.

Yeah, this is the life :)...

Two Months Old!

Check out this girlish figure:

Hannah had her 2-month check-up today and passed with flying colors. After gaining two pounds and three ounces since last month, she is now at 13 lbs. 3 oz.! She also grew two inches and is now a whopping two feet tall :)! I can't believe how quickly she's growing and how fast the time has gone by. We've been so pleasantly busy. One of the best things that's happened in the past two months is the development of a beautiful friendship:




Adam simply adores Hannah. He kisses her almost as much as I do :). She watches his every move and often grins at him from ear to ear--it's so fun to watch. He's very complimentary of her, too. After she gives a particularly rich belch, he'll say, "Whoa, good burp, Hannah!" He often presses his cheek to hers and coos, "Oh, so sweet!" My favorite, though, is when he lovingly strokes her head and says, "Look at Hannah's 'razy hair." Her fringe is definitely eye-catching. Pictures just don't do it justice, though...

Here's to two months of being a mother of two--I'm loving [nearly] every minute of it :).